You know how when you’re sick, your mom somehow knows what to do to make you feel better? For me, this feeling of needing to be cared for didn’t stop when I started having children.
In fact, the opposite happened. And I feel like I need to apologize to my mom and the moms in my life. I don’t think they realize what they’ve given, but I hope someday to be just as giving as they are.
There have been a thousand little apologies I’ve needed to say since becoming a mom, but here are just a few.
I’m sorry for not objecting when you offer to change the baby’s diaper. It’s 10am and I’ve changed four already today, and sitting this one out seems like such a nice, tiny break.
I’m sorry I ask twice about what they’ve eaten today. Sometimes I forget you raised kids of your own and are the resident expert.
I’m sorry if I sleep when we come visit. The baby was up all night and this level of exhaustion is nothing I’ve ever felt before.
I’m sorry I got upset about him not napping. I sometimes get so wrapped up in routine I forget the more important bond of making memories with you.
I’m sorry they’re not wearing all the pants, and shirts, and socks, and blankets, and hats you want them to be because it’s cold outside. It was a forty-step process just to get out the door and it’s hard remembering everything every single day.
I’m sorry I don’t stop over more. It’s just so much easier being home.
I’m sorry for the words I said when I was younger that I knew would hurt you. I didn’t know what I was saying, and I didn’t realize those words would be wrapped in memories of sleepless nights, decision fatigue, constant questioning of parenting, the celebration of first steps, drop-offs to school, making meal after meal, washing jersey after jersey, only to have one of your most-loved humans say words only to hurt you.
And I’m sorry for the thousand things I don’t even realize I should be sorry for.
But please know that, like a toddler watching their mom’s every move, I’m still learning from you.
Im learning to give the kids a bath before sending them home.
Im learning to wash their dirty clothes so their mom doesn’t have to.
I’m learning to invite them over when their parents don’t ask to give them an unexpected break.
Im learning to charge their favorite devices and set out their favorite toys because it’s what they really look forward to.
Im learning to keep a hearty meal in the freezer to make at a moment’s notice.
Im learning to pause, and just be in the moment with my kids.
To my mom and all the moms in my life: I’m sorry for not always doing more, and thank you for always doing the most.